By Mgr John Devine OBE

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A North American diocese has recently banned family members from delivering eulogies at Catholic funerals. 

I myself have experienced as many as three or four mourners paying extended tributes to a person who has died. Frequently, they cannot be heard. They can be overcome with emotion or speak too quickly due to nervousness. Having told the family that the eulogy should last five minutes, they inevitably overrun. In one extreme case, a eulogy lasted 25 minutes – longer than the time allocated for the rest of the service. 

Nevertheless, I was disturbed by this latest US diocesan directive, which read: “To speak in remembrance of the deceased is to speak about the faith-life of the one who died and to give praise to God. A eulogy makes the person being praised the main focus of attention. The homily and the words of remembrance have God as the primary focus. In this regard, reference may be made to how the deceased person put his or her Christian faith into practice, which provides a good example for others to follow and gives hope for an eternal reward in Heaven.”

In addition, the ruling decreed that any words of remembrance the family would like should be submitted three days before the funeral. The priest or deacon would then read the family’s words during the funeral service or Mass.

 
I believe that the deceased person is and should be “the main focus of attention”. Every funeral presents the priest with a pastoral opportunity. Where do we find God? God is embedded in the story of each of our lives. 

I’m comfortable with a eulogy telling that story. My own practice has then been, in my own few words, to draw out the hand of God in the presence of the deceased person’s journey. Key moments include the day they were born and the day they were baptised. Other milestones are the significant relationships the person has formed throughout life – powerful indicators of the Lord’s hidden but loving accompaniment, often recognised only in retrospect. 

Ours is a sacramental faith. We speak of the seven sacraments, and Christ Himself is the principal sacrament or sign of the Father’s presence. And, bidden or unbidden, we ourselves are sacraments to and for each other. 

As priests, we can become hardened and cynical. We can despise and judge the weak faith of others rather than welcoming and encouraging. Regular churchgoers can be equally critical of those who show up only for funerals. In respecting and honouring the grief of the bereaved, we can sensitively illuminate the loving hand of God in the life of the person they have loved. Their story has to be told.